What you THINK has everything to do with the rejections or actions from others, actually comes into play because of your internal dialogue and your lack of acceptance of yourself.
But this is by no means your fault and I’ll tell you why that is.
You see, you were only born with 2 fears:
- The fear of falling
- The fear of loud noises
All other fears you have, are so-called “learned-fears” that you have in some way or form either taken on from others, but in some cases, generational fears are being acknowledged more and more.
But let’s start by seeing if you could have any signs of an inner wounded child who fears rejection.
Signs you have a wounded inner child who fears rejection
- You tend to self-sabotage new opportunities for yourself that could help you or that is truly something you’d like to do
- You are a people-pleaser and fears being rejected if you don’t agree to things you don’t feel like doing
- You are hiding the “real” you in public/social scenarios and don’t speak up
- You are very self-conscious about how you act, stand and looks
- You feel that other people don’t know who you are, or you don’t feel like you know yourself very well
- You have general low self-esteem and have intrusive thoughts about what others might think of you
If you feel that this applies to you, I’m sure you’d like to know where exactly all of these originates from and what you can do about it if it does ring a bell for you.
But if you believe that none of this applies to you, and it’s more of an internal dialogue you feel needs changing, then perhaps these posts about How You Can Change Your Inner Voice From Critical to Kindness or learning How To Ditch any Limiting Beliefs To Manifest Your Dreams can help you!
Where does the fear of rejection come from?
Your reactive pattern of behaviour when you find yourself in triggering situations, whether that be in a dating scenario where you cancel your date in fear of being rejected at the very last minute or you self sabotage in your attempt to getting your business build from the ground up but you just can’t seem to get the “motivation” going, in reality, stems from your relationship to your parents, teachers and other authorities growing up.
Most likely, you learned these behaviours from a very young age from these relationships.
Actually as far back as to where you were an infant in your crib, you learned that the longer it took for your caregivers to come when you cried, the more anxious feelings would start to come forward and your imagination (yes, even at that young of an age) would start to question why no one was coming when you cried and needed them to come.
You see, babies have no concept of time.
So what could be only a few minutes in the lives of the baby, can feel like an eternity for the baby.
This fear of rejection thereby could go on as early as to when you were an infant, and from there and as you grow older and experience new things in life, you may still be holding onto this fears of rejection.
Although you may not have been aware that these feelings are inside of you until you’re were an adult and had a better understanding of your own emotions (although still to this day, many people either aren’t in touch with their feelings or are completely overwhelmed by their feelings due to these early years of rejection)
So as you grow older, and depending on which end of the spectrum of how in touch with your emotions you are, there will be many times during your lifetime where you will experience and grow through things that will validate you in your (sometimes perceived) reality of being rejected.
For example, when you love someone and they don’t love you back.
Or you apply for your dream job, but get rejected.
Or you got picked last in the physical education classes.
.. and here you can insert all the multiple other scenarios and experiences you had growing up.
Because you see, your mind is so powerful, that it will constantly look for “evidence” for what your beliefs are.
So whenever you experienced getting rejected growing up, you have come to the belief that you are “always being rejected” or “it is never you, who’s the chosen one”, your mind will constantly look for evidence for why this is true.
This will lead to the scenarios in your life I mentioned earlier, where you’re about to go on a date with someone, but you cancel at the last minute because you have the internal belief that “you are always being rejected” and you end up self-sabotaging this way.
Perhaps even worse, and you might think THEY are not interested, because they simply didn’t respond to a text, but you later learned they had a completely legitimate reason.
(Obviously.. this is not always the case, but you see where I’m going with this)
This all comes down to the experiences you had growing up and what you learned as a child and if you have read this far and have been able to nod along a few times, most likely you have an inner child within you that needs healing in this area, so you can stop self-sabotaging or simply just heal and get the love you feel you didn’t get growing up.
So, what can you do to heal this inner child within you?
How to overcome your fear of rejection
1. Know that you are not alone
First I want you to understand that you are far from alone.
I’m still healing from my inner child wounds and I am by no means perfect.
I only got the advantage that I know what has happened to me and what to do about it through coaching, hypnotherapy, education and of course by being on my own personal development journey, which has been a way for me to also see how many of us out there struggle with the same issues.
There truly is a way out of this and you can overcome it (gradually) by first acknowledging it and becoming aware of it and working on it, so you go after your dreams without these things holding you back.
2. Have an actual dialogue with your inner child
The next thing you can do to heal your inner wounded child is to simply have a dialogue with them.
It can be uncomfortable to do this and a little weird in the beginning stages of doing this.
But mostly, it’s a really beautiful thing if you’re willing to sit with your emotions and tell your inner child what it truly needs to hear from you or never got told from anyone else.
You have to re-parent your inner child and speak to it as if it were your very best friend.
So simply.. take a deep breath, find perhaps a photo of yourself from when you were younger and ask yourself “What does my inner child need to hear right now”?
It is as simple as that!
You can do this over and over again as many times you need to and in every possible situation, you feel scared, rejected or unsafe in any way to show up or be you.
3. Write a letter or journal to your inner child
This idea is probably very similar to the one above.
But if you don’t feel like talking to your inner child with actual dialogue, perhaps writing it out in a letter or journal each day to heal your inner child is easier for you.
So just grab yourself your favourite journal or write out a letter to yourself at whatever age you know they need to hear something and simply write everything out that could be on your heart.
This is in my own opinion one of the best things I have done to heal my inner child and it truly relieves some build-up emotions, so do yourself a favour and try this one out!
4. Listen to hypnosis to meet your inner child
Okay, my second favourite tool!
If you are new to hypnosis, then I’m sure this will bring you a little bit out of your shell.
But hypnosis can do wonders for your inner child’s healing.
To be exact, there are not many things hypnosis can’t help with and you can simply do it on your own time.
So find yourself a hypnosis audio for inner child healing (as specific as possible for your own wounded inner child) and try it out.
(There’s a lot of great ones on Youtube for free if you don’t have the means to buy a recording)
This can be a super powerful way to heal your inner child because hypnosis will guide you to the core of your subconscious mind where every possible fear of rejection is stored, so get ready!
5. Meditate for inner child healing
Meditation is probably written on every single blog post out there that has anything to do with personal development and inner work, but it is recommended for a reason and I can 100% stand by that recommendation.
Meditation is such a unique tool to do some soul searching and the results and benefits are nothing less but extraordinary.
Anyone can start doing this at any time.
But I won’t mislead you and say you can easily do it.
It’s a practice that requires consistency and a deep desire to do it or change something (that’s my opinion and experience and the way I finally got it to work for me)
But through meditation you can be guided so deeply on any issues you may face and you’ll connect deeper to yourself and your intuition, which will help you to know the answers you were seeking and find out that those were inside you all this time, not from outside forces.
6. Accept where you are in your inner child healing journey
Another thing you can do to heal your fear of rejection is to simply accept where you are in your journey with this issue.
Nothing will change if you don’t first acknowledge where you are currently at and accept the facts as they are: That you have a deep fear of rejection and it makes you behave in certain ways in your life.
The thing is, there certainly isn’t any way around it.
You will continue to deal with this if you don’t acknowledge it or keep trying to cut corners around it.
But you will solely waste your time by pretending the issue isn’t there, to begin with. There is only one way to healing, and that is by going THROUGH it.
So keep that in mind, when things get tough.
7. Feel your feelings in triggering situations
Speaking of when things get tough.
You’ll likely experience some difficult emotions even when you are trying to heal.
Not just when you are facing difficult situations where your fear pops up.
But once again, the only way to the other side, is by going through the emotions that come up whether you are ready for them or not.
Your feelings are one of the biggest assets in your life.
They will tell you everything you need to know, so why not try for once to listen to what they have to say?
I’m certain you will get to understand yourself and your struggles on a much deeper level if you simply devoted some questions to your feelings and asked yourself, what it might be your emotions are trying to tell you (your first answer is usually the correct one)
8. Redo childhood memories or things you loved doing as a child
Remember that time when you were 8 and you used to love to do that thing, but looking back now you realize you forgot all about it?
Yeah. That thing.
That thing is exactly what you should go back to doing again.
This is how you heal your inner child most lovingly, by going back to the memories or things you used to love to do.
It is not too late.
And if you have a memory that isn’t that positive, try re-creating it into a positive one instead, so you can get the love you were seeking back then but didn’t get.
9. Get help from a coach, therapist or hypnotist
Even if this is tip nr. 9, this is one of the most powerful tools you can have in your life if you are serious about your inner child healing.
Nothing will push you and stretch you further and get you to where you want to go, without the help of someone who has your best interest at heart (.. *someone like me for example..)
But, hiring a coach and becoming both a coach and hypnotherapist myself, was without a doubt the best decision I made on my journey to healing my inner child.
Sure, there’s still work to do, but that’s a natural process of peeling the onion layers until you find that version of yourself you had forgotten you were.
The transformation that is possible with hiring a coach is unlike any other; someone who cares, someone who can see your blind spots and put things together that you weren’t even aware of is a priceless gift to receive, so I hope you will do that for yourself someday too!
10. Invite in new layers of healing the more you connect with your inner child.
As I already mentioned before with the onion layers being peeled.
There will always come a new layer of healing with each part of you that heals and expands because you need to learn new things with each version of yourself you become.
This work isn’t meant to happen overnight.
It can take years, and most likely will.
But don’t let that discourage you from this work.
It is a beautiful journey and as long as you are on the journey to your healing and you know where you are going, you are guaranteed to see some amazing things unfold in your life, quicker than you realize!
I truly hope that you learned something new about yourself today.
Remember, that this is a journey and as long as you know which direction you are going and have an end goal in mind of the version of yourself or life you can live without this fear, then it WILL happen for you!
Keep your head high, ask for help when needed and be kind to yourself in your effort to heal. I know you can do this!
If you feel called to share your own story of feeling or being rejected or simply have any questions, please share them below, so we can heal and inspire each other <3
The fear of abandonment and rejection is a fear that we all at some point in our lives have dealt with, but often this fear only leads to self-sabotage or other avoidant behaviours, because we simply don’t understand its purpose and what we can do to help ourselves in those triggering situations.